Pygmy visits the Castle of Chaos!

Greetings from Branson, MO, the hotspot for tacky shows and attractions for tacky tourists, including myself. I decided to head out here to see what all the hub-bub was about, and through the midst of all these shows all over the place, I stumble upon this entertainment complex that features a castle and King Kong on the top of a tall building. Besides driving by half of a sunken ship, this thing was the coolest thing we drove by while on the way to our hotel.

 If you don't know what the Castle of Chaos is, check out their very own website. Here's what's featured on their site that drew me in to want to check it out even more:

Castle of Chaos is the first-ever 5D interactive haunted experience in the world. No kidding! This action-packed adventure merges a state-of-the-art 3D horror film with heart-pounding motion, special effects, animatronics and an all-out shooting battle against evil. Top five participants from each round are shown on the screen with their scores.

According to the International Association of Amusement Parks and Attractions, "This is the first haunted ride in the world to combine so many multi-media elements and technologies in one attraction. The result is a first-class scare!"

IAAPA approved usually means Pygmy approved, so now this is a must do! So we get back in the car and drive back here and get our tickets and wait in line for the next ride experience. As we're waiting in line, they have a monitor showing you late breaking news about the Castle and how it's haunted etc etc, the preshow if you will. Anyways, it was hard to hear it since it was turned down, and the fact that the walls were pretty thin between the ride and the line that we heard the ride more than anything! This was annoying for a little bit, but really pumped me up for it because soon we'll be going in for a spin, and if it's that loud it must be good, right? Loud is good? Well, not necessarily. Miley Cyrus sings loud, doesn't mean she's good, and the same can be said about Castle of Chaos unfortunately.

We enter the show room and see this platform of 25 chairs on a turntable and we strap in, put on our glasses, grab our guns, and we're ready to go! It starts to spin, and stops in front of a screen with lackluster 3D effects. Ok, maybe it'll get better and scarier. Nope. We spin around and land on another screen, and we start shooting things. Ok, what are we shooting at now? There's 2 monsters and the screen and that's it. So we sit here for about a minute shooting at 2 monsters that barely react to your shots? I guess that's acceptable if their zombies and already dead, right? I hope so. We spin around several more times landing on other screens. What I thought was funny was how we'd spin around and land on the same screen once, or to the screen directly next to where we just left. The attraction has other special effects such as leg ticklers, air bursts, Stitch's chili breath, fog, and did I mention it spins? It was a fun but really a big let down. I usually don't have high expectations for things because I hate being disappointed, but with all the ads about this place, who wouldn't have high expectations? What really killed the ride experience for me was the way they executed the storyline in the attraction itself. It did have a nice storyline that did seem promising, but during the ride it went sour. This just goes to show you that if your story doesn't work, no matter how many groundbreaking special effects, it'll turn out to seem like a waste of money like this place was. I'm glad I've gone through it and experienced it and had fun, but this is one of those attractions where once is more than enough.

Sketches with passing other boats?

Are there any sketches you do with other skippers on boats passsing?



The only place were boats 'pass' by is by Schwietzer Falls, and no, we don't have any sketches we do as we pass, because even though you can see the other boat, we're technically in two different show scenes and two different parts of the spiel and they both don't have time for "Hey, look at the weirdo in khaki in that boat over there, feel sorry for the people on that boat." However, there are some things several skippers do with other boats during backups by Chief Namee, such as getting your boat to say "Hi other boat" on the count of three, 1 . . . 2 . . . 3! "HI OTHER BOAT!" and then 7 seconds later, have the other boat reply back with some witty comment, and it could go on back and forth for hours. There has been one time we've done 'the wave' like you would do at a sports stadium, starting from the front of the first boat in the backup and going as far down as possible, hopefully onward to the next boat, and so on.

Keep those questions coming, comment below if you'd like your question answered here in my blog!

Have I always been in B mode?

One thing I love about the jungle of interwebs, is there's a lot of entertaining things out there, and I just so happened to find this one incredibly large furry guy that lives atop a really big mountain that also shares my love of disco.






So after reading the sad story of this gentle giant and all he wanted to do was eat unsuspecting tourists (another similarity!), he pulled his back out and is frozen in time and blinded by a strobe light. How sad. I haven't been flashed like that before, and it's only a matter of time they add strobe lights and other sound effects to make me look even scarier. Would anyone know was I supposed to have thrown my spears at the boats, or act like I was about to throw it by moving my arms? As far as I know, I've been standing here going "ooga booga boo". My question to you, whoever still reads these crazy blog postings of mine, have I always been in B mode all this time? Also, what other things have you've noticed that are also stuck in B mode, like my new found friend, the yeti? Please for the love of monkey buddha comment below! That is all.

Jungle Cruse, update or scrap?

Do you think the majority of your passengers love the JC or view it as a relic that needs to be updated or gone?



It feels like people come on here because 'they have to, they've always done a cruise in the jungle every visit and need to do it while they're here now' and then afterwards come off wondering 'why did we even bother with it?' Or if they had a great skip "That's why we keep coming back, he/she was great!" I do think it needs to be updated, because the ride by itself without our corny jokes, the ride is just as boring as sitting on 'small world,' honestly. I've had a couple trips around where it was just me just to keep the boats cycling, so I'd sit and run the boat, and even though I get a little break from spieling, it does it a bit boring going through there and I'd think "we'd be doomed if they got rid of us and automated the boats" and gives me more reason to step up my spiel to try to bring some life into what looks like a dying attraction.

Have a question about me, the Jungle, my opinions on anything you have in mind (within reason) feel free to ask me and it just might end up getting answered here in my nearly dead blog, lucky you! So don't delay, ask away!

Getting Back to Basics

So I'm finished with Basic Military Training, can I get a Hooah? Yeah buddy, The Pygmy has survived what is to have been said the roughest toughest training and initiation to join the best group of services in the country, and then two years later he signed up for the Air Force after working at Disney. I'll never forget the moment when we first got off our plane at the airport in San Antonio as we walked through the terminal and towards baggage claim, knowing what lies just around the corner and waiting for someone in camo to pop out and yell at us. After we got our bags, we were directed by a few nice people to walk down this quiet hallway where there one of those guys stood there and we all froze in fear as he shouts "What are you waiting for, get your sorry butts down here in 10 seconds, HURRY UP! MOVE IT!" And so our fun has just begun. What on earth did I get myself into?



The fun continues on when we board our bus to the base, and get issued some items and our feet scanned, and then the iconic "You have 30 seconds to get off my bus!" and fall out on the dots in formation and play "Pick 'em up, put 'em down" with our luggage for about an hour. We finally get upstairs to our new home for 8 and a half weeks and settled in around 3 in the morning, knowing our dreaded first wake up call was in just under 2 hours. Reveille went off on time, and we all literally jumped out of bed shaking in fear, only to find out that we were supposed to go back to sleep so we had a little more time to sleep and actually get our proper 'wake up' call. By the time they came up to 'wake us up' we were already up and dressed, beds made as best as we could, and they came up starting to yell in our faces, paused for a couple seconds as they're trying to figure out why are we already up and why have we attempted to make our beds, but still press on and get in our faces and screaming and spit flying everywhere. Our first dining experience was about the same, except we had literally 10 seconds to 'lick a biscuit and get the piss out' The rest of our first week was clothing issue and processing, shots, and even more 'fun' as we learned how to march in formation.

By Sunday, we were all worn and weary, and waiting for relief from our instructors, and it came in the form of church. Yup, church. Definitely something to look forward to get you going through the week just so you can get to church again because it was so amazing. The praise band and services were just what we have needed to keep our sanity through the rest of the week. After the first week and we've got used to our new lifestyle, it seemed to get a little easier, but just when we thought we were well adjusted, WHAM! More yelling, changes, and expectations are thrown in our faces yet again in week 3. The fourth and fifth week were said to be the 'fun' weeks since we're scheduled to go through the obstacle course, gas chamber, and shoot off M16's at the range. However, we got rained out for the obstacle course, the gas chamber was everything but fun (and whoever thought that was fun is more nuts than I am,) and the M16's, well . . . ok those were pretty cool, don't have any complaints about them.

The entire 6th week is known as BEAST week where we are 'deployed' to a tent city and live and defend our new temporary base from enemies and survive 'attacks' and recover from them. Lucky for me they were all exercises and not the real thing, or else I would have like died 7 times, and I was feeling lucky that week too, not! As soon as we get back 'home' (yes, we all couldn't wait to get back 'home' to our dorm with our TI's and section supervisor in our faces) we were welcomed back with a push party on the pad and treated as if we just got off the bus our first week. 7th week was all evaluations where they check how well we've kept our areas cleaned and in inspection order, they test our military bearing by screaming in our faces again and we have to stand perfectly still, they'll ask us to do drill movements, and more random inspections of our living areas. 8th week is preparing for graduation and then the actual ceremony and parade, followed by town pass where we are allowed to visit the surrounding area and then finally pack up and ship out to our tech schools, where I am currently located. So that just about sums up where I've been the past couple months. So, what did I miss while I was away?

The Temple Scene

What do skippers do when you go into the dark ruins? The crew loses focus with that spotlight that you point at things with....you must be doing something considered illegal or at least something to be frowned upon, right?



Technically the skippers are supposted to remain silent through this part because I think they would like us to take a little break while in there? I'm not sure what the exact reason behind this rule, but I do know they have someone hiding in the temple sometimes and check to see if anyone spiels in there and then meets up with them when they come back to the dock telling them what they did was a "no no" and shouldn't be done again. So yeah, most skippers you might have are doing something considered illegal when they get in there. There are some that like to start singing "It's a small world" really slowly and creepily, some that like to sing something from Willy Wonka, and others that like to continue on with more jokes such as a couple celebrity sightings such as Tiger Woods, and The Golden Girls, staring a beheaded Bea Aurther (sp). I've done a couple of the above, even sang Small World a second time, "underwater" which always gets big laughs.
-AP
 
If YOU have any questions you've been wondering about anything, Jungle Cruise, Disney related, Universal, what I had for lunch yesterday, ANYTHING, ask away in the comments section below! Stay tuned for the War Rant this Friday!

"Pooh" Sized People

If you are by any means offended by fat jokes, then you should probably stop reading right now and jump straight to my comments section and post about how horrible of a person I am for making this post. With that said, hold onto your hats folks, and if you can, pull your safety bars all the way down, because this ride's gonna get rough! (And just in case if you're not sure if you'll fit in Pygmy's Not-so-Pooh-sized Ride-a-palooza, watch this video)

Ok, so in another forum I very very rarely visit (for various reasons which I might discuss in the future,) there was a thread that caught my eye about the larger crowd who thinks they're in charge and must have everything accomodated to their size. Usually I'm one to sympathize for those struggling with weight loss and giving their honest effort to staying fit, but it seems to me that this was one of those guys that loves to live in his personal pimped out ECV, complete with novelty horn that he'll use to warn the people ahead of him that they'll soon be ran over if they don't get out of the way, or he'll sit on you. See, he's smart and got one of those horns that has more than use, so I give him some credit for that. Anyways, he's complaining how some of the rides just won't accomodate him and his larger pals, and how unfair it is. Unfair? Do you think having test seats out front of several attractions to see if you can fit unfair? Do you think some of the attractions have "big boy" seats unfair? (Besides, even if you can't fit in those 'big boy' seats, then you've got a weight problem and need to call Jenny right away!) It's bad enough that It's a Small World at Disneyland had to go through a complete overhaul because the bottom of the boats were scraping the bottom of the canal, and while we're at it, we'll change the theme song too.

Lets just say that the world was a really wonderful place that listens to everyone's needs and concerns and grants everyone's wish. Sounds like a dream, right? Now think how great and wonderful that is about 50 or so years later, where we don't have to do much anything, we all get what we want, and we just keep getting larger, and lazier, and less intelligent. Sound familiar? Sounds like how the hit animated Pixar film "Wall-E" starts, and pretty much describes "Idiocracy" as well, but without the cute robots and hover chairs. Towards the end of Wall E, thankfully the captain still had some smarts to realize what was going on in their ship of paradise, they weren't doing much of anything, and that it's time for a change in lifestyle, and I think that you overly sensitive overweight "Pooh" sized people should take note of that, and get a move on! The world isn't going to make it easier for you, and if you really have your heart set out on riding a certain thrill ride, then you should start working out now so that way you'll be able to fit in the seat, let alone not die of a heart attack because you're too fat.

Before I get all the hatemail from all those that can easily sit on me and crush me to death, let me just say that this is by no means attacking any one person or group, but just as a wake up call to EVERYONE that the world isn't going to change for you, so stop whining and complaining about stuff and figure out a way to work around those problems. As quoted by the most awesome Randy Pausch, author of "The Last Lecture," "Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something." So keep that in mind next time you think it's hard to do anything, because nothing's impossible if you put your mind to it.