Another 24 hour workday, Disney?

Are you kidding me? As if one of those 24 hour long Disney days wasn't enough, you're going to do yet another one? Have you thought of asking the rest of your hard working happy not-so-lucky Pygmy slaves, erm, employess, erm, "Cast Members?" Unlike your lifeless Small World dolls, Pygmies have a life outside of the theme parks! Hard as it may seem, it's true! Yup, after I've nearly missed throwing my spears at the last boat load of lackluster tourists, I head over with the guys to Chief Namee's Cannibal Cafe for some finger sandwiches, elbow maccaroni, and toast with toejam and jelly. I let him know that his wife makes a very fine dinner, and the chief turns to me and would say "Yes she sure does, but I really am going to miss her" and we both laugh at the absurdity of that, since his wife doesn't taste good reheated as leftovers. But that's beside the point, the point is, I'm ranting about Disney's cheap gimmicks and tricks.

So Disney says they'll do yet another 24 day at the park, another 24 hours of crowded shenanigans. But why? Is it because it's on the 24th of May, as in May there be another 24 hour day? What if it was May 27th? A 27 hour day? Not even, but I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to outdo themselves with an even longer day open, just you wait. The real reason why they've decided to keep Magic Kingdom open for 24 hours, to keep people from visiting Sea World and their newest most expensive expansion project to date, Antarctica: Empire of the Penguin.

Really Disney? I thought you had it out for Universal for all these years because they stole Oswald the Lucky Rabbit away from you (and later returned the rights for some sports commentator.) Is it because now Sea World has some money to go crazy and come out with an awesomely themed experience for families? Well Disney, I think you're just jealous you can't catch a break when it comes to innovative themed experiences.

Ok, well Disney that was pretty sweet. How come we don't get all this awesomeness in the US of A? That's it, Pygmy's moving to the real jungles of Southeast Asia, where all the awesome theme park goodness lives. Hong Kong, Singapore, Tokyo, and soon to be Shanghai is where it's at. Lets see some new innovative stuff stateside, Disney. A newly themed land in response to Harry Potter expansion isn't quite it. As much as I love highly themed dark rides, and Little Mermaid looks pretty good, it is no Forbidden Journey. And then the real kick in the teeth was removing a classic dark ride so that space can be converted into a princess meet and greet? But it's ok, we'll keep the Snow White story but in a new experience as a family coaster. I dunno about you all, but I think it would be totally epic if we had a Sleeping Beauty dark ride. Think of how dark and sinister the ending would be with Maleficent turning into her dragon self, that'd be pretty sweet.

Anyways, where was I? I guess the whole point of this War Rant was I wanted to make it clear to you all, that I hate sauerkraut and I'm moving to Albuquerque, where the air smells like warm root beer and they'll even shave your backside for a nickel. That, and I hate working 24 hour shifts. That is all.

1 comment:

  1. I am ALL FOR a Sleeping Beauty dark ride! YES YES YES!