"Pooh" Sized People

If you are by any means offended by fat jokes, then you should probably stop reading right now and jump straight to my comments section and post about how horrible of a person I am for making this post. With that said, hold onto your hats folks, and if you can, pull your safety bars all the way down, because this ride's gonna get rough! (And just in case if you're not sure if you'll fit in Pygmy's Not-so-Pooh-sized Ride-a-palooza, watch this video)

Ok, so in another forum I very very rarely visit (for various reasons which I might discuss in the future,) there was a thread that caught my eye about the larger crowd who thinks they're in charge and must have everything accomodated to their size. Usually I'm one to sympathize for those struggling with weight loss and giving their honest effort to staying fit, but it seems to me that this was one of those guys that loves to live in his personal pimped out ECV, complete with novelty horn that he'll use to warn the people ahead of him that they'll soon be ran over if they don't get out of the way, or he'll sit on you. See, he's smart and got one of those horns that has more than use, so I give him some credit for that. Anyways, he's complaining how some of the rides just won't accomodate him and his larger pals, and how unfair it is. Unfair? Do you think having test seats out front of several attractions to see if you can fit unfair? Do you think some of the attractions have "big boy" seats unfair? (Besides, even if you can't fit in those 'big boy' seats, then you've got a weight problem and need to call Jenny right away!) It's bad enough that It's a Small World at Disneyland had to go through a complete overhaul because the bottom of the boats were scraping the bottom of the canal, and while we're at it, we'll change the theme song too.

Lets just say that the world was a really wonderful place that listens to everyone's needs and concerns and grants everyone's wish. Sounds like a dream, right? Now think how great and wonderful that is about 50 or so years later, where we don't have to do much anything, we all get what we want, and we just keep getting larger, and lazier, and less intelligent. Sound familiar? Sounds like how the hit animated Pixar film "Wall-E" starts, and pretty much describes "Idiocracy" as well, but without the cute robots and hover chairs. Towards the end of Wall E, thankfully the captain still had some smarts to realize what was going on in their ship of paradise, they weren't doing much of anything, and that it's time for a change in lifestyle, and I think that you overly sensitive overweight "Pooh" sized people should take note of that, and get a move on! The world isn't going to make it easier for you, and if you really have your heart set out on riding a certain thrill ride, then you should start working out now so that way you'll be able to fit in the seat, let alone not die of a heart attack because you're too fat.

Before I get all the hatemail from all those that can easily sit on me and crush me to death, let me just say that this is by no means attacking any one person or group, but just as a wake up call to EVERYONE that the world isn't going to change for you, so stop whining and complaining about stuff and figure out a way to work around those problems. As quoted by the most awesome Randy Pausch, author of "The Last Lecture," "Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something." So keep that in mind next time you think it's hard to do anything, because nothing's impossible if you put your mind to it.

Favorite attraction

Mr. Pygmy Sir,

What attraction is your favorite to hit when you'd visit the world on your day off (other than hitting the Jungle Cruise to heckle your fellow CMs)?

Eating Grapes

Eating Grapes,

If I can't say I enjoy riding other skippers boats just to test their waters, then I'd say I enjoy a nice relaxing cruise through the rivers of adventure. . . oh wait, that's Jungle Cruise. Um, I enjoy the drive home after a long days work?

If YOU have any questions you've been wondering about anything, Jungle Cruise, Disney related, Universal, what I had for lunch yesterday, ANYTHING, ask away in the comments section below! Stay tuned for the War Rant this Friday!

The Massive Stroller Army

Robert Niles of Theme Park Review has a weekly segment I thoroughly enjoy as he shares his fond memories of working as a cast member in the Magic Kingdom. This week's entry got me thinking about how much I've loathed stroller duty for Pirates and Jungle Cruise. Pirates has an actual roped off parking lot for these horrid things, and Jungle Cruise just resorts to lining them along the edge of the hill leading upwards, which makes it rough to park these things. For Pirates, your duty was to keep moving the strollers over filling every available space (sound familiar as you enter any show?) And then grab all the strays because people love to just drop their stuff and their stroller right wherever they felt like it. Since I've rarely done Pirate Stroller duty, I'll talk about some of my repeat offenders while working as Jungle Greeter which also has to deal with strollers.

As a Greeter for the World Famous Jungle Cruise, your main duty is to stand outside and look pretty and answer dumb questions and tell people to turn around, this ride isn't worth a 10 minute wait, etc. As you're handling the crowds, you're also keeping strollers from entering the queue, and telling them where they should park it, come back and try it again. For grins, I come up with a completely pointless task for them to do before they're allowed to enter the queue, such as go back up the hill and they must skip down the hill singing I'm a Little Teapot or whatever our song of the day is, whatever I feel like. There are some times where the parents insist on bringing the stroller with them. I tell them there's no room, and we're all allergic to those things anyways. "But our baby's asleep!" Well, then they'll miss out on the Jungle Cruise, wake them up, take them out, and spin around in circles 5 times, and then 3 times in the other direction, and then count to 10 backwards. Usually by then I just get even more strange looks and then they just leave and head over to Pirates. You're still going to have to wake up your kid, and you'll have to deal with scary guys in fake beards and plastic swords, not the kind of people you'd want to argue about strollers with, believe me. So in spirit of Robert's entry, "The Stroller Police" I've decided to call these stroller felons the Cranky Wakey Angry Mommas or CWAMers for short.

Are there any other stroller felons that neither of us have mentioned? Let us know! What else bothers you while visiting the parks? Comment below!

Pygmy's offline for a bit

So as I'm in a transition phase in my personal life and not able to be online again, I've loaded up my blog for the next 2 weeks of stuff that'll automatically post, and hopefully by then I'll be able to come back online and see all the comments you've nice people have left me and I'll continue posting live, but until then, leave a message after the beep and I'll call back at my earliest convenience. Boop!

(yeah, I've gotta get that tone fixed too, don't remind me!)

What is an Albino Pygmy?

This week I've dug up a great question from the archives, about what is an Albino Pygmy exactly, and here's what I've had to say:

First you'll need to break it down into two seperate words, Albino and Pygmy. Find a dictionary, Websters would do just well. I've done the hard part for you below:

al·bi·no /ælˈbaɪnoʊ or, especially Brit., -ˈbi-/ [al-bahy-noh or, especially Brit., -bee-]
plural -nos.
–noun, 1. a person with pale skin, light hair, pinkish eyes, and visual abnormalities resulting from a hereditary inability to produce the pigment melanin.
2. an animal or plant with a marked deficiency in pigmentation.
3. Philately. an embossed stamp accidentally left without ink.

Pyg·my /ˈpɪgmi/[pig-mee]
noun, plural -mies, adjective

–noun, 1. Anthropology.
a. a member of a small-statured people native to equatorial Africa.
b. a Negrito of southeastern Asia, or of the Andaman or Philippine islands.
2. (lowercase) a small or dwarfish person.
3. (lowercase) anything very small of its kind.
4. (lowercase) a person who is of small importance, or who has some quality, attribute, etc., in very small measure.
5. Classical Mythology. (in the Iliad) one of a race of dwarfs who fought battles with cranes, who preyed on them and destroyed their fields.

–adjective, 6. (often lowercase) of or pertaining to the Pygmies.
7. (lowercase) of very small size, capacity, power, etc.

Then all you have to do is put the two together, and what do you get? On second thought, nevermind that.
Got a question to ask me about anything? Leave a comment below!

Old Farts

 Lets face it, old people are scary. Everything gets saggy and wrinkly, things turn gray, all movement you once were capable doing is now slow as ever, and sooner or later you realize you've turned into an elephant impostor. I wouldn't be surprised if some of you happen to grow a short tail out your back side as you age. Besides your physical appearance, your memory starts to fade, unlike that of an elephant, and your attention span seems to shorten as well as your temper. You'll soon realize all of this you're soon yelling at those darned kids to stay off your front lawn and then shift your focus to care-free squirrel and you threaten you'll chop off it's bushy tail if it doesn't get out of your tree.

So if we know that these people were once like us, approx. 50 million years ago, why don't we treat them with the respect they deserve, rather than honking our horns as they cross in front of our cars? Simple, we're not that eager to get to that ripe old age yet, and even though you might have wasted your time doing old people stuff like sitting outside and watching grass grow, doesn't mean you have to waste ours by taking your sweet time wherever you go. Haven't you noticed that no one's patient anymore? Ever notice how the 30 minute guarantee is gone from the pizza delivery industry, simply because 30 minutes is too long! Or how about as you're going through the drive through, and your order would take 1 more minute than usual, they'll have you pull out of the line so they can let all the other impatient people in. Sooner or later we'll have to do away with red lights because I don't want to waste 45 seconds waiting for it to magically switch off and get replaced by the much happier green light. Wait a second, we're still talking about old people, right? I think I'm getting into another subject that I could save for a later War Rant but for now, back to this week's Rant.

Luckily, not all old people turn out this way. There are some that gladly accept the fact that they're old, and there's nothing they can do about it other than enjoy every moment they have left. Unfortunately for my story, this old geezer was an irate elephant. I was shopping for my groceries, and here comes this older guy who for some odd reason, kept following me around. Eventually I turned around and asked him why he was following me, and he just simply replied "I'm not in your way, am I? AM I? So mind your own *&#@$! business!" Ok fine, and so I turned back around, and went to the next aisle, even though I didn't need anything from there. Seconds later, he follows me again. "Sir, please stop following me. I don't know what your deal is, but I would appreciate it if you wouldn't follow me around the store anymore." This guy could not take a hint, and continued on getting even more frustrated with me not wanting him staying so close to my back. "What am I doing so wrong? Is it against the law to shop? I don't think so!" he exclaims. I ask him back "So what have you bought so far? Just a bunch of bananas, and some coffee, and I'm sure that you're not going to grab anything here in the pet food aisle. Sir, you are obviously stalking me, let this be the last time I say this, leave me alone." And then he grabbed the back of my shirt and pointed at my back and said "Look boy, this is why I'm following you!" Little did I realize that I was wearing this shirt and I was in a hurry to grab a couple items on my way home so I could make dinner and then come up with this exciting installment of the War Rant. I'm just glad that this guy didn't threaten to shoot me in my toodles.

Have you had any scary, freaky, funny run ins with the elderly? If so, comment below! If you have any suggestions for a future War Rant, comment below! If you have nothing to say, watch this, and then comment below about your taxes! Hope you all got them done in time!

When plastic animals attack!

Have you ever been attacked by one of the animals? Are there any piranias in the water? How come there aren't any huge squirrels out there?

I've had some close calls with the ducks, one flew through my boat right in front of me, really creepy. No pirahnas, but there are some fish we jokingly call the baby pirahnas in the back near our break room we feed them little bread crumbs, and watch them all fight for it like pirahnas because we have no lives when we're on break.

I dunno why there aren't any huge squirrels out there, I thought they were in some night time parade playing the piano?

If YOU have any questions you've been wondering about anything, Jungle Cruise, Disney related, Universal, what I had for lunch yesterday, ANYTHING, ask away in the comments section below! Stay tuned for the War Rant this Friday!

The Wild Blue Bunder?

It's Friday, and unlike many other Fridays where I'd be glad to say TGIF, I'm wondering what on earth I just did yesterday. Rewind back to Tuesday when I get a call from my recruiter saying he can get me back up to MEPS to finish out processing. Ok, no biggie, been there before, done that, don't have to worry about the poking and prodding parade of doctors anymore, which is good, but still came out feeling sore and wondering why I was there in the first place? 

Oh yeah, that's right, I'm looking for a steady job with great pay and benefits! (Not to mention, so is a LOT of other people and in a couple of days they'll close the doors to any others who want to be processed for a long while, so I just barely snuck by.) So I'm thinking to myself as I go through the process, "Well, I've just signed away the next 8 years of my life to the United States Air Force, hope they'll fly by smoothly with the least amount of turbulence possible." So as I swore in and sealed the deal, I'll just have to keep thinking to myself the next big hurdle to get through is basic training, and then it should be blue skies and smooth sailing in the air for me, right? I thought it was bad when I thought Disney owned me, now I'm officially grade A government cheese with wings!
So now I have to start working out to get ready to ship out for 8 and a half weeks of fun choreographed walking tours, a great exercise flat top facility, and enough camp counselors to come up with tons of fun activities to keep us busy all throughout the hot and humid day. If that sounds like fun, then why not sign up today for a vacation package of a lifetime?

Help load up Pygmy's NEW iPod Touch!

As of right now, I have 30 songs and videos for your viewing and listening pleasure, but I want to max out this thing! Each and every track has something in it that reminds me of my days in the Jungle, and I seem to be running out of song ideas. This is where you come in! I want you to comment below any songs that are jungle-esque that I don't have. Don't worry if you happen to post the same song that's already on my iPod, that just means you're on the right track! So post away and enjoy what I have so far of my jungley iPod mix :)

Coming Soon: Ask A Skipper!

The smash hit thread you've all know and love is now going to be a weekly segment in the Pygmy Post (and the crowd goes wild!)

I'll be here to answer any of your questions you might have about ANYTHING, not just jungle related (although preferred.) There might be some weeks where I'll go digging through the old logs for some of the more memorable questions and answers, because digging for old things is cool.

If you have anything you'd like answered by yours truly, ask away below in the comments section, and I'll pick one or two for next week and answer them here. So what are you waiting for, Ask a Skipper!

Prepare blog for ludicrous speed! Fasten all seatbelts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the three ring circus!

Forget hyperdrive, ludicrous speed is the way to go! Thanks to the good people at Walt Disney Boards, I now have some help to spread all things strange and jungley. I'm also in the works of bringing another weekly segment into the blog so stay tuned for that as well. I've also added a couple more jungley songs to my iPod for your listening pleasure.

Also, Happy Easter to everyone out in the jungle, and be sure to stay clear from any dangerous fake animals wearing fake bunny ears!

Missing cookies

Alright boys and girls, Uncle Pygmy's gonna try to keep this blog alive and well as promised, but he needs your help! Every Friday there will be a "War Rant" posting of my choice. I'll try to suggest topics for next week as well and that's when you come in. Comment below on what you'd like me to rant or rave about next week and we'll go from there but for now, today's rant: Missing cookies!

A couple days ago I was called in to work a group and then stay afterwards to work on a couple projects. In between, I stopped by Subway to get myself lunch, and I later find out that they've stopped doing the ANY 5 dollar footlongs. Oh well, I splurged and got a footlong that's more than 5 bucks. I always get myself some oatmeal rasin cookies to go with my meal, and I look down the counter at the cookie case to see there is plenty of cookies available. Today was looking like a great day for me, the weather was great, I finally get a couple of my favorite cookies because they're usually gone by the time I'm there, working on more projects, things were going great. Well, I thought so until it was time for the lady in front of me to ring up her lunch. She turns to the cashier and asks for all the oatmeal rasin cookies. Hold the phone, why on earth would you take away all of those cookies? She leaves before I could say anything, and the cashier gave me a funny look and asked if I was alright. "Yeah," I replied, "but I was gonna get a couple cookies, but I guess that's not happening." "Yeah man, sorry 'bout that." So there you have it. Pygmy is once again, oatmeal cookie-less. Ok, that wasn't that much of an exciting War Rant, but I had to start somewhere.

If you have anything you'd like me to rant/rave about future weeks of the War Rant, please comment below!

Next Week: Stale Peeps!

Looks like any comicbook characters are soon to be owned by Disney

Wow, first Marvel, and now this? One can only wonder what the lovely people at the mouse house are scheming up next: http://www.waltdisneyboards.com/disney-news-know/44306-disney-seeks-out-purchase-dc-comics.html