Old Farts

 Lets face it, old people are scary. Everything gets saggy and wrinkly, things turn gray, all movement you once were capable doing is now slow as ever, and sooner or later you realize you've turned into an elephant impostor. I wouldn't be surprised if some of you happen to grow a short tail out your back side as you age. Besides your physical appearance, your memory starts to fade, unlike that of an elephant, and your attention span seems to shorten as well as your temper. You'll soon realize all of this you're soon yelling at those darned kids to stay off your front lawn and then shift your focus to care-free squirrel and you threaten you'll chop off it's bushy tail if it doesn't get out of your tree.

So if we know that these people were once like us, approx. 50 million years ago, why don't we treat them with the respect they deserve, rather than honking our horns as they cross in front of our cars? Simple, we're not that eager to get to that ripe old age yet, and even though you might have wasted your time doing old people stuff like sitting outside and watching grass grow, doesn't mean you have to waste ours by taking your sweet time wherever you go. Haven't you noticed that no one's patient anymore? Ever notice how the 30 minute guarantee is gone from the pizza delivery industry, simply because 30 minutes is too long! Or how about as you're going through the drive through, and your order would take 1 more minute than usual, they'll have you pull out of the line so they can let all the other impatient people in. Sooner or later we'll have to do away with red lights because I don't want to waste 45 seconds waiting for it to magically switch off and get replaced by the much happier green light. Wait a second, we're still talking about old people, right? I think I'm getting into another subject that I could save for a later War Rant but for now, back to this week's Rant.

Luckily, not all old people turn out this way. There are some that gladly accept the fact that they're old, and there's nothing they can do about it other than enjoy every moment they have left. Unfortunately for my story, this old geezer was an irate elephant. I was shopping for my groceries, and here comes this older guy who for some odd reason, kept following me around. Eventually I turned around and asked him why he was following me, and he just simply replied "I'm not in your way, am I? AM I? So mind your own *&#@$! business!" Ok fine, and so I turned back around, and went to the next aisle, even though I didn't need anything from there. Seconds later, he follows me again. "Sir, please stop following me. I don't know what your deal is, but I would appreciate it if you wouldn't follow me around the store anymore." This guy could not take a hint, and continued on getting even more frustrated with me not wanting him staying so close to my back. "What am I doing so wrong? Is it against the law to shop? I don't think so!" he exclaims. I ask him back "So what have you bought so far? Just a bunch of bananas, and some coffee, and I'm sure that you're not going to grab anything here in the pet food aisle. Sir, you are obviously stalking me, let this be the last time I say this, leave me alone." And then he grabbed the back of my shirt and pointed at my back and said "Look boy, this is why I'm following you!" Little did I realize that I was wearing this shirt and I was in a hurry to grab a couple items on my way home so I could make dinner and then come up with this exciting installment of the War Rant. I'm just glad that this guy didn't threaten to shoot me in my toodles.

Have you had any scary, freaky, funny run ins with the elderly? If so, comment below! If you have any suggestions for a future War Rant, comment below! If you have nothing to say, watch this, and then comment below about your taxes! Hope you all got them done in time!

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